"The shape of your body obeys the shape of your beliefs about love, value and possibility. To change your body, you must first understand that which is shaping it. Not fight it. Not force it. Not deprive it. Not shame it. Not do anything but accept - and , yes, Virginia - understand it. Because if you force and deprive and shame yourself into being thing, you end up a deprived, shamed, fearful person who will also be thin for ten minutes. When you abuse your self (by taunting or threatening yourself) you become a bruised human being no matter how much you weight. When you demonize yourself, when you pit on part of you against another - your iron clad will against your bottomless hunger - you end up feeling split and crazed and afraid that the part you locked away will, when you are least prepared, take over and ruin your life. Losing weight on any program in which you tell yourself that left to your real impulses you would devour the universe is like building a skyscraper on sand: without a foundation, the new structure collapses. - Geneen Roth - Women Food and God.
Amen to that sister. I just sat down with a cup of tea before my walk - wanting to eat, and not hungry but wondering why eating, is included. Curiousity. I think that if I walk and I get tired that I am not good enough, so I better fuel up, to be good enough. So what if I get tired and I need to rest on the way. Who says that is not okay?! Where did that lie from somewhere else become my lie? Where did I get the lie that I am not good enough? That I better eat to be good enough or loved. I was forced and shamed to eat all my food at dinner. When I wasn't hungry and hated it. I HATE SHAME! I will not be shamed another moment. I can eat or not eat. What happens if I get really hungry on the way, and want to eat what will happen?! Where will my thoughts go, where will my feelings go. I panic even thinking about it! Its okay to be hungry. I have enough body mass to be safe and sound having a walk and being hungry. Its okay. Breath and enjoy the day, the lightness of being.
BTW - What I just wrote out for you sums me up to pretty much a tea. What happens if I let loose and let it all go?! Hmmm . . .
