hmmm . . . i have eaten my lunch and i waited a bit too long and i am still hungry, against better judgement i added peanut butter and bread.
why am i eating this. i know i will "feel" not hungry shortly, and yet my brain wants something. my inside being wants something. what is it? why i am feeling so compelled to eat what i know i don't need. i seldom eat peanut butter and bread and when i do its for comfort.
why do i need comforting, and really what do i want?
after finally figuring it out, i want to do things. i want to read my book, watch the making of downton abbey, and there are two magazines. i want to do it all. and yet my self belief is i am not supposed to. i am not supposed to touch or journey, make a mess, be a presence i am not supposed to be at all. lies that i have been told.
somewhere inside of me is a belief that i don't get to do things, nice things simple things so i will squash it, and comfort myself.
i have had this thought before and my body wants to move and go and i keep it still, i keep it held in place, don't move, don't breath, don't exist. don't want, or desire, it will only lead to being punished and zipped back into that bag and tied into the crib.
i have the right to move, to desire, to create and have and be. i have the right to do all these things and more, and i don't need to squash it anymore with childish peanut butter sandwiches. i can have gourmet adult peanut butter sandwiches that are enjoyable and pleasurable and unnecessary to squash and soothe but to enjoy and nourish.
i have a self belief that i don't get to do what i want. i think that is something that i am going to put to the side and make a new truth. because the truth is - i get to have what i want. i get to have desires and wants, and i get to create them and have them and live in health with them.
God given - and i am open to receive.
Thank you for clarity
