Pockets of Spontaneous Laughter

A beam of sunlight is on me at this very moment. A cup of tea steeping, the slight buzz of Husbands computer, the gurgle of the coffee pot, I wish I liked coffee because it smells so lovely. The gentle rhythms of morning. 

I had the most amazing experience last night. I went to my Feldenkrais instructor (FI) and when she finished working on my body, and in particular around my knee I started to smile and then burst into laughter. It was amazing. The biggest happiest joy filled, absolutely delighted laughter.  I have had that one other time in a group situation with a soul coach and it was about moving about easily in my mind.  I had placed myself in certain spots as she described and then I started to laugh in delight.  I stopped myself in the group because it felt odd,however, I was able to stay with it last night.  She started to laugh with me. It was great.  I could not help myself.   I do have moments when I practice Feldenkrais that I start to smile without knowing why. It is a sense in my body of "ah ha" this is where we want to be, a connectedness. 

So, what I realized is this:  we know we can tap into pockets of sadness and despair pretty damn quickly. Well,I am here to tell you that there are pockets of laughter, joy and delight.  SO GO OUT AND FIND THEM PEOPLE, OR JUST SIMPLY TUNE INTO THE BODY AND ALLOW THEM!  What fun!


Please pray for my knee, and Walt's knee and Brent's ankle surgery.  Yeeeesh. 

Well . . . . . . .

Not sure what to blog.  Grace reminded me yesterday that I hadn't blogged of late.  Been busy with Eldest home from her trip cross Canada.  Working, enjoying some sunshine!  Gorgeous days of sunshine.  Just one or two at a time, but, I'll take them.  Hard to believe it was hot and sunny yesterday, and rainy today.  What?! 

I tweaked my knee at work on Friday, and then did the same knee on the outside of it on Saturday, and now I am having a bit of a time with it, and trying not to freak out. How tight can hamstrings be and is that contributing to the knee, oh ya.  Off to see my Feldenkrais instructor who is a physio tonight.  Of course I am quietly freaking out on the inside and eating refined carbs yesterday, to achieve a nice carb coma to "feel" better.  When in fact that only makes us feel worse and puts on weight and builds inflammation anyways.  But I have caught myself and I am going to enjoy a blueberry, bluegreen algea, bee pollen, almond, hemp protein smoothie for breakfast.  That will fix it!

Husband has to have surgery. We just found out on Wednesday. I think that is in the back of my mind as well. 6 weeks on crutches, 3 to 5 month recovery, and we don't know when the surgery is going to be even. We are beyond blessed that he is receiving Worker's Comp.  Thank you God!  However, its still tough and not as much as he would have earned, so it's time to be very very careful. 

I just pray that we are all open to receive and grow and learn and become. 

I have my last Brown Bag Lunch with the seniors this week and that is on my mind after 16 years.  I am so glad to be "graduating" out of our children' s school, and I am saddened as well.  Its time for new experiences, and new opportunities.  To allow someone else to have the experience as well.   

I shall sign off for now. 

Oprah and "Until we meet again"

Wow, it has been a roller coaster ride the past few weeks. Its good that I have this blog it is helping me sort through stuff. 

I am saddened to see the horrible storms in the States.  The tornado's are amazing to watch and yet cause so so much devastation and loss.  Blessings to those who live there and are having to hang on by a thin thread.

I am sad to have watched Oprah's last show. I have learned so much and I am so grateful to her for being the obedient child of the Universe, who did her best every day to be her best self.  Truly, I would not be the person I am today were it not for her, the guests she had on the, writers, speakers, the guests that were telling their truths.  I value truth beyond measure, and search my self truth.

If you have a chance to watch the final episode, I beg you to watch it.  I think of it as watching an Opus Magnum.  All her thoughts and beliefs, experiences and joy, integrity and faults rolled into one great place. And she speaks to our own truth, and to enable us to have our own truths.

I wonder where did we get so derailed that we don't have our own truths, or perhaps did we really ever?

I spoke with my co-worker today, to thank her for her time last week, that she really helped me. Her comment (with a big smile) "I am so glad you spoke with me, I was having a rough day and it really helped me."  I told her that a huge gigantic puzzle piece dropped into place, and I really appreciated her insight.  I reached out and asked for help, I didn't know she was having a rough day, and it helped me, and it helped her.  It seems that we are meant to ask for help, not just for us, but, for the others so they can give and we can received.

 What I have learned:

Be receptive.  God is always sending messages.

Love Love Love - that one can be hard for me sometimes.  I get frightened and wary of being hurt.

Live in the tender moments, live in the playful moments, just live.

Play more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and Light.  GG and I are going for sock yarn after school today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Wahoo, sock yarn.
We are making wedding socks for my nephew and his bride for their wedding gift.  She is making Earl Grey's from S.P.McPhee, and I am making Wedding Ring Socks for the bride. 

SOCK YARN!  From Ingrid in West Van.  She is the Mecca of Sock Yarn!  A whole wall and drawers and drawers, of sheepy wonderful sock yarn. 

Ta Ta for Now.

I Had A Thought . . .

As I was falling asleep last night I had a thought, actually it began to really formulate last night while I was watching Dancing with the Stars.  Eldest was saying she was too tired to watch Festival Express  (she had just been home off a 4 day train trip herself), and was just enjoying the light fluff we were watching. She said sometimes she just enjoyed the fluff because it was just purely entertaining. I agreed and said I liked Dancing with the Stars, because I loved to see the dancing portion.  To see people who didn't know how to dance become dancers over weeks in front of our eyes.  I realized that we are voyeurs in the truest sense of the word. Looking it at other peoples lives and watching what goes on.  Seeing their human frailties and triumphs. I think we all know that we do that but, like all things these days, I am learning a ton about myself.

I watch reality t.v.  not always proud of it, however, I do. I watch Dancing with the Stars, and I watch Biggest Loser. What I realized on a very deep level last night, is these shows speak so deeply to me, (when you get past all the glitz and fluff and drama surrounding them) because I want to dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love to dance, I do belly dance, but, I am not very good at it really, and I do love it, but the fun of it has gone for me right now. My body is stuck in this place of pain and injury, and I want to get back to the movement and joy of the music and my body. 

Also, I want to lose weight. To watch the journey of those people, when I am feeling so stuck and not able to move with this for whatever reason, gives me hope. These shows these networks are selling hope to use.
And I am deciding that hope is what I really am looking for. I want hope. I want to know that with persistence I can lose weight be healthy and embrace my life each day with looking in the mirror and knowing I did the best I could that day.  Lots of days I do do that, but, there is that little bugger brain of mine chatting away telling the lies.

I am off to look up dance classes of some sort and to get me a ball of some sort.  Time to play!

Faith Hope and Love

Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope.

Maya Angelou :X:X

Shame (and blame) and the Damage it Does

I went back to reread an email sent by my sister and thought this would help some one out there. It certainly helps me to read this.  

Our major care giver has some things that they were going through and shaming us was a predominant way of parenting us.  By no means do I parent bash here, they did what they did, and it hurt, however, it is up to me to be a responsible, caring adult who cares lovingly for myself. 

However, when I read these, it helps me to understand the following - I never ever, because of my up bringing, abuse and violence, had a chance to develop into the child I was perhaps meant to be. Without support and encouragement, love and care, nurturing, I never had a chance to find out who I am. I was always struggling to be who my parents needed me to be to take care of them. 

So I sit at an interesting place once again in my life.  Who am I really, and what do I stand for.  In my 50th year I am so excited to be finding this out.   

Many years ago, early in my addition recovery, I had the same realization, that what I grew up with, the home and family I believed I had, in fact were lies, the reality I had created for myself, was there to help me through the violence and abuse. And when I got clean long enough I realized that I had put up an idealized version to cope with what really was happening, and I came to believe those lies I created.  It was a way to cope.  So I was left with a life that was built on lies, what I was left with was a life that wasn't true.  And I didn't even know who I was or what was true. What was true was I didn't even know myself because who I was supposed to be never ever go developed. I grieved over this, and my sponsor who was so brilliant said to me "that is so cool, because now you can be who ever you want". She freed me with that. 

I can be who ever I want, and I am coming to that again in my life.  I can be who ever I want.  I create this current reality based (unknowingly and knowingly) on old precepts, that are NOT EVEN MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am basing who I am and what I believe in on another persons opinions and beliefs and they are mentally ill and haven't been in my life for over 35 years really.  

The saddest thing for me, is that my very being has the fibers - warp and weft - of her illness. As I write this I am crying, and choosing to stay in this place of sadness. Of loss and grief.  I am the person I am today, built up trying to re-weave my fibers to come along side to who I am really meant to be.  I am reweaving, knitting who I am meant to be.  

It is so important to me as a mother to allow my children to be their own person.  To support them and guide them to become who they were meant to be. I never ever want them to do what I want because they want to please me, or for any other reason (except clean their rooms and do the dishes!) I want my children to be their own persons.  I hope for them, love and joy, for them to be productive members of their society, which will reap rewards for them, and those around them.  I want them to embrace their lives and have fun and light and laughter.  To work hard and feel a good days labor and a sense of self satisfaction.  As I write this I have had a thought, the very things I want for my children, are the very things I can decide to have for myself. The things that I embrace as a mother for my children I can embrace for myself as I grow into who I am and what I believe.  Its never to late to become the child God meant me to be.  The past and history, are simply that, and yet I do let it reach into the present, it is part of my fabric of being, my one sister has said its like its in our DNA.  Perhaps it is, who knows, what I do know is I can choose to walk in that place or not.  Its not always easy, and I certainly don't make it easy on myself.    

Be gentle, loving and kind to myself.  Be open to receive.  Ask for and be open to support and love.  

Some characteristics of adults shamed in childhood

1. Adults shamed as children are afraid of vulnerability and fear of exposure of the self.

2. Adults shamed as children may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment and feelings of being inferior to others. They don't believe they make mistakes. Instead they believe they are mistakes.

3. Adults shamed as children fear intimacy and tend to avoid real commitment in relationships. These adults frequently express the feeling that one foot is out of the door prepared to run.

4. Adults shamed as children may appear either grandiose and self-centered or seem selfless.

5. Adults shamed as children feel that, "No matter what I do, it won't make a difference; I am and always will be worthless and unlovable."

6. Adults shamed as children frequently feel defensive when even a minor negative feedback is given. They suffer feelings of severe humiliation if forced to look at mistakes or imperfections.

7. Adults shamed as children frequently blame others before they can be blamed.

8. Adults shamed as children may suffer from debilitating guilt These individuals apologize constantly. They assume responsibility for the behavior of those around them.

9. Adults shamed as children feel like outsiders. They feel a pervasive sense of loneliness throughout their lives, even when surrounded with those who love and care.

10. Adults shamed as children project their beliefs about themselves onto others. They engage in mind-reading that is not in their favor, consistently feeling judged by others.

11. Adults shamed as children often feel ugly, flawed and imperfect. These feelings regarding self may lead to focus on clothing and make-up in an attempt to hide flaws in personal appearance and self.

12. Adults shamed as children often feel angry and judgmental towards the qualities in others that they feel ashamed of in themselves. This can lead to shaming others.

13. Adults shamed as children often feel controlled from the outside as well as from within. Normal spontaneous expression is blocked.

14. Adults shamed as children feel they must do things perfectly or not at all. This internalized belief frequently leads to performance anxiety and procrastination.

15. Adults shamed as children experience depression.

16. Adults shamed as children block their feelings of shame through compulsive behaviors like workaholics, eating disorders, shopping, substance abuse, list-making or gambling.

17. Adults shamed as children lie to themselves and others.

18. Adults shamed as children often have caseloads rather than friendships.

19. Adults shamed as children often involve themselves in compulsive processing of past interactions and events and intellectualization as a defense against pain.

20. Adults shamed as children have little sense of emotional boundaries. They feel constantly violated by others. They frequently build false boundaries through walls, rage, pleasing or isolation.

21. Adults shamed as children are stuck in dependency or counter-dependency.

Being Open to Receive

I love when the world around me sends all the affirmations I need to support me on my journey each day. Its like the arrows and signs are there just where I need them to know I am on the correct path, road, trail, by way (because sometimes I am pulled over taking a break)  or whatever it may be that day. 

I was reading an on line article about a Vancouver punk band whose new disc is drawing fire from the  Canadian Hertiage Minister because "The album drew the minister's ire through its Bible-themed artwork and its depiction of Jesus Christ as a piece of excrement in its booklet." Among other things.  Okay, as a Christian not thrilled, however, what I find odder is the fact than anyone would form an entire album on excrement in the first place. If you want to find something scintillating, at least be original, and grow up, isn't that 6 year old boy talk in the bathroom at school? Really.  Punk used to be about more that crap.  Honestly.

Anyways I digressed, I was intrigued by DOA'S member Joe Keithley's new book title,  Talk - Action = 0 An Illustrated History of DOA.  Okay, not likely to read the book, however, I am certain its interesting, and for the record I do like to listen to punk upon occasion, its not my first choice of music.

I loved the beginning of the title, Talk - Action = 0.

I have come to realize that "IF"  I really wanted to lose weight and be health, I would do it.  I would do all the things necessary to make that happen.  Now that is a broad statement, however, I am really having a close look at that.  I think we go through life saying the things that we want, or think we want, and then sit back and wait for it to appear in front of us, and really, we don't want to work for it.  Once again, I know that I have realized this all before, however, "seeing" it again on a whole new level.

On Thurs. having had that conversation with my work mate and realizing, that people (me too) are not ready to receive the gifts from God we were meant to have, or the gifts are not being sent, because we are not ready to receive them. The Universe can not possibly send the gifts if the recipient is not  ready to receive them.

When I realized this I saw my whole world in a different light. I was able to look at myself and the people I know who are struggling with this and really see that we are not ready to receive. So many books are written about being Open, ready, stepping into, reaching for.  But I am wondering today about how we can be ready to receive.  How DO we be open and willing to receive? 

Grateful heart?  I think of birthdays, we are feeling pretty good about ourselves, its our birthday, a sense of excitement perhaps.  I love my birthday.  It's my day, and its about me.  I feel very special that day.  Even if no one else knew, I would know. I really do love presents.  Especially ones given with an open heart.  I would rather not actually receive a gift of obligation.  I am not an obligation.  Digressing here! 

If we were in a state of excitement and gratitude for what we were about to receive would that make it easier for God to send the blessings of each day.  Gee, probably.   If I really really wanted what I said I wanted would God not have sent me that, would the Universe not have known that and helped me create that?  It goes back to some things I have read lately. God, wonders why we keep praying the same thing over and over, He heard us the first time.  The Universe gets confused when we send the same message out over and over, "its already heard" us.    And if I continue to harp on in this way, and don't really honestly do something about it, and sit waiting and wondering and complaining,  Talk - Action = 0, how can I possibly expect a different result.

I know what I need to do to make my body change and be healthier.  However, it is in a place where it really wants to stay right where it is.  (DO I REALLY WANT TO CHANGE OR DO I WANT TO STAY EXACTLY WHERE I AM, OH, THIS IS GOOD, my body is a reflection of my inner dialogue, conscious or unconscionably, I think that my body represents what I think about myself.)  So, what do I need to do to help create an environment that helps it to change and be healthier, leaner, and I would feel stronger and my back and hips wouldn't hurt.   I am currently reading Women Food and God.  Think I am on to something here!

There are a ton of questions here.  However, Action is very important, and its the correct action. A grateful heart for this amazing body, that keeps on trucking even when its injured. A joy filled attitude, with fun and light.  I think that I want to take dance classes and learn to dance better so I can flow. I want a basketball. I love balls and love to play with them. I think that I want to start moving my body in the way it wants to move, and its so important for me to really really listen to what my body is asking for. 

I am way way better at eating, now to move in a way that my body wants. I NEED TO PLAY MORE!  To have FUN.  I realize as I write (and trust me the words just pour out, so if it doesn't always make sense, that's why) that I want to just play like when I was a kid or really I didn't play when I was a kid, and that's another whole story.  A ball will do.  I love it when I am at work and I get the balls out to strength train with, and to just bounce, and so do the participants. More balls people! 

What I have learned this week:

Be excited and willing each day to receive the gifts of each day.
Talk - Action = 0
Play, play, play.  Be light of heart, child like in the gifts of each day.
Think enough of myself, to know that God would love to send me gifts each day. I am Worthy of Gifts.
Self worth. 

Its been a great week.  Love and light, some sunshine (which we cling to here on the Wet Coast), family and friends.  Scrabble, knitting and tea.  Learning and loving.  Being.

I went back and reread before being ready to post and a couple of things have jumped out - on my birthday, I feel pretty good about myself, self worth.  Thinking enough of myself to put myself somewhere on the list.
I was brought up to believe that I was incredibly selfish, I was told I would never be a mother, because I was too selfish.  So I never ever put myself out there, because I believed I was already to selfish.  Well, I am coming to understand that caring for myself, eating what foods I want to eat, playing, listening to whatever music I want to listen to, read what I want to read, believe in what I want to believe in, wear what I want to wear, to watch what movies I want to watch, have the people I choose to have around me, all of those things are not selfish. THEY ARE HEALTHY, THEY ARE THE VERY FIBERS THAT CREATE WHO I AM. 
and damn it, I am going to be who I want, and not have to justify myself, just even using that word, why would we even think that we need to justify our very existence. However, I justify myself all day long, in fact it has become an incredibly bad habit.  This self justification.  Why do I do that?  Hmmmm.  I am justifying my very existence each day and each moment of each day.  Making sure I can vouch for all my actions.  That is not healthy. 

Well the family is stirring all around me, and its suddenly hard to focus, also, I think the self justification is getting a little close to home, so I am going to let it sit for a bit.

Tears, Joys, and Riding the Waves

I love this week of tears, joys and riding the waves of it all.  Miracles surround me, and it's all good, and I am so teary through it all. Everything is on the surface and I am just holding on and embracing all around me.
The sun is shining and the sky is so blue, the green of the trees, plants, grass just glows in all the sun. Going to work this morning and driving down Chesterfield and seeing the calm blue water and the reflection of the city in the ocean, the gentle air, and the peace filled sky.  It was wonderous!

I am grateful its Friday, and I may rest. I am grateful that my body and mind are tired and I get to rest, and feel a sense of accomplishment, achievement and worthwhile efforts for the week.

I just finished watchin Dr. Oz while waiting to watch Oprah (I am filling up on the last few shows, even though I haven't watched it in months and months) Anyways, Dr. Oz had a fast food diet and went through different fast food joints and broke down fat grams, calories, etc.  Two women eat on it for a week and loose 7 plus pounds in a week. WHAT!  I eat blue green algea, super foods, no bread, no chocolate, no sugar, fruits, veggies, exercise, and my weight stays the same!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I watch Oprah and her favorite guest ever, Terrai, has just come on. In two decades she went from being 11 years old a child bride, in Zimbabwe, with 3 children by 19, to a holder of a PHD.  Her husband beat her, she has several children, achieved her bachelor degree, her masters and the PHD.  Her mother told her to write down her dreams and bury them. Which she did and put a rock over them.  She all her dreams she achieved.  She was forbidden to go to school as a girl child in her village.  She continued to believed.

See, believe, achieve.  As I sit here in my pity pot, the story of Mattie and his life as a peace leader, and poet who died at 13 years old, who is being considered for saint hood, his mother still alive even though she has MS, which she passed unknowingly to each of her children and they have all died, and she still remains, in faith pursuing each day. Or the beautiful young woman burned alive in a car crash after a drunk teenager drove into her.  She battles depression and still continues to live each day. Knowing that she is still the same on the inside, after 120 surgeries.

Okay Col, stop being so hard on myself, being a debby downer, so hard and mean on myself. Instead of being loving and kind towards myself.  And why are we all so hard on ourselves. We would never ever treat a best friend like that.  Why do we treat ourselves like that?

Love and Light

A super natural message.

Amazing Grace

I have just had the most amazing morning.  Teary in parts and full of absolute profound gratitude.  I was in a situation this morning where I had information and opportunity to impart to others. This situation is weekly and others are just not into hearing what I have to say. Its my job, and I find it hard. Because I am doing what I deeply feel is the right thing. I felt utterly rejected today, shunned actually, and it made me feel (I allowed it to make me feel) like I did when I was shunned by my parents.  I felt so rejected. In that moment I realized (yet again) that my ego was the challenge. That it wasn't about me at all (or it could be however, speak up people) and I just had to let it go.  I went on to continuing the class, wishing them well for the day.  Had a great class, those that stayed were thrilled.  Taught the next class, and came to the end of the class and finished it. While teaching the final part (stretching) my sense of gratitude was so profound, I started to cry, and chose to simply let it happen. Connected to my body, to those around me, the beautiful music, and what was in my heart. How blessed.  I finished the class, with a sense of peace I have not felt in a very long time, and so full of gratitude.

I was sharing this with one co-worker and he was so open to it. Lovely. And another co-worker she too was open, and she does some energy work (I think that's it) anyways, I was expressing my sense of gratitude and how wonderful it was and how much I loved my job. She asked a brilliant question, "what brought it all together!"  Wow. I had to think of that for a moment, and what I came up with was "I was open to receive, and so was the class, we each were open to receive right where each person was."  She thought that was awesome. I had said I was healing some stuff (pretty big stuff) and I had been triggered today earlier, and what I had learned about myself.  Her comment back "you had a gift to give and they weren't ready to receive it, and then the others were!"

Now that is profound people.  They simply weren't ready to receive it. I have felt so rejected all my life with all the gifts of myself I have given and I actually have been rejected by those people around me who should have accepted those gifts (my significant) care givers (read parents). My ego, its not about me, its about them. I know this, but, have been gifted in this gentle way by another, because I reached out and asked and shared.
I thanked her for the awesome question, and she replied, "thank you for taking the time to answer" and off we went.  So simple and yet  . .  so simple!

I have been a receiver for others crap (not everyone), not a receiver for the blessings of others. I have been open to receive the yuck, and not the healing, loving, caring, wonders.  And when I have tried to tap into that other part, I have tried too hard.  Grace people!  It just felt so simply effortless today.  I have worked my body hard, and the Spirit is open to receive.

I have been holding my weight, bearing the load, because I was unwilling to really truly deeply look at what remains, and just simply be open to it.  I know all this, however, just receiving it in a different light. A SUN FILLED LIGHT TODAY!  After a long winter. 

This may sound jumbled, but to me its crystal clear!  Like the patches of blue sky.  I love my job, I love my life, I love my body, I love my mind, I love God, I love my family, I love my friends, I Love.

I sit and drink my recovery drink, based with hemp protein, (green), I look at my garden and I am utterly amazed at my growth, the garden and I, growing together.

Greens, Gardens and Growth

Love and Blessings

The Sun is Shining . . the birds are singing

And its a glorious day!  Whahooo.  I am so grateful the sun is shining, it has been a very long time and so very seldom that we have woken to the sun shining.  As in months and months and months. I digress.

I have really enjoyed the last 2 episodes of Oprah with James Frey.  There has been an intimate honesty that I don't feel I have ever seen on television before.  I really appreciate what both had to say, the integrity and honesty and forth rightness of it. Mistakes made, apologies offered and accepted.  Redemption.

I have been having an amazing journey these past few days (well years, but its hard to write it ALL down). The past days have lead me to an understanding of so many things. Forgiveness (hence the timelyness of Oprah), redemption and what it looks like to me if it never comes, and some times my inability to offer it.  Honesty, integrity, faith in myself, healing growing, so many things. 

I have been emailing my sisters back and forth and my friend (I shall call her Grace, because she is full of Grace) Grace, and I am finding out so many things about myself, things I only had a surface level understanding and its now becoming more and more clear.

Started reading a new book, Women Food and God.  Even the first 10 pages of the prologue had people in it that were me.  I am so grateful (and saddened) to know that I am not alone, that there are others who feel just as I do. Who have the same thoughts and strive to heal from a journey with bumps and ruts along the way. Some might say my journey may have more bumps and ruts than many. Perhaps, however, I believe we all have those journeys and we are all affected and are looking for healing, rest, peace, joy, and wonderment along the way, and a really big belly laugh. Don't discount laughing.  I love my kids, they make me laugh. My husband too, however he needs some new lines!

Love and peace for your day

American Idol . . . really are Americans that Bland?! Oh, I guess my guilty pleasure is out of the bag.

James should have won that, we all know it, and for some unforeseen reason he didn't. The others sing nicely, beautifully actually, and they are boring.  Bland, boring, bland, boring, oh . . . did I mention bland? James comes out and sings country (or rawk as one country writer quoted) please  . . . could Scotty sing anything James has sung.  Nope.  Jame's brings a full surround concert every time he comes out.  He was in it to win it.  I have never ever watched American Idol before because I cannot stand the way they all sing. Nothing original, or honest in the bunch.  This is season blew me away. James, Scotty, (Pia is just to Celine Dion for me, sorry) Haley can sing, but, gee she is an odd one.  Scotty I had to get used to but he is great, and ORIGINAL!  God help those people who are original.  Steven Tyler, he's original, and he's made it huge. Anyways, I'll shut up now.  Off to knit before bed.   BTW - had oatmeal for breakfast with maple syrup (not too much, just a bit) and hemp milk (I make myself), lunch - 1 cup of blue berries (frozen), a tbsp. each of bee pollen, almond slivers, coconut oil, 1 banana,  blue green algae, food processor and soft a big with hemp milk, into a bowl slurp with a spoon. Not quite enough food, I had taught all morning, an organic apple, with a bit of tahini and honey mixed with warm water for dip.  YUM!  dinner - and I wasn't really hungry, Caesar salad (2 cups), 1 piece of garlic toast (thin) made with butter and garlic, sauteed mushrooms 1/2 cup maybe. I did have a small piece of angel food cake, with strawberries and whip cream, (it was Hubbies B Day).

Ciao

Hers, Mine and Ours (Socks that is)

Mine

 The Eve of Mother's Day.  Tea, marathon Scrabble, sock knitting, and tons of rain outside. Its all good!  I had one sock on and the other foot cold waiting for the last grafting to be done. Have you ever grated a toe, played Scrabble with two other people, and kept score all at the same time? And its only my second sock. Of course I had the next balls of yarn waiting in the wings.  Jaywalkers in Kroy - Slate Jacquard. They are coming along nicely, and I am currently knitting the heel flap.  BTW the only reason the photo's are on the Blog is because of GG's expertise, (she's still so clever!)

Ours!

GG's Socks (Hers)

Just Another Day in Paradise

I thought Paradise was a wee bit warmer, or perhaps sunnier?  Please!?  That's okay, its the most amazing green along the rivers and creeks and streams, the moss and lichen in the trees outside the back door is positively glowing. 

It's cool enough to still feel like knitting wool (always a good thing).  I washed my new hand knit socks in the tub last night and had their sheepy wet goodness hanging around while I had my tub.   What is it about the smell of yarn?  GG taught me about that, clever GG. 

My only complaint (and truly there are only 2 really) about the sock yarn I am using right now, is that it splits a bit, which is more my fault if I split the stitch, but, it just doesn't smell the same as my first sock yarn.  I am looking for the sheepiest smelling yarns, if you are a knitter you know what I mean.  Or the most of alpaca, etc.  Its part of the thing of knitting. 

Its a knitter's thing.

I showed off my current sock project to a couple of people at the ball game the other night, and one dad looks, and asks if they were crocheted?!  WHAT.  I had just recently read the Yarn Harlots chapter on the sheep shawl she made for her mother and her neighbor commented "that's some crocheting".  Come on people, knitting is knitting, and crocheting is crocheting.  And knitters knit, (although I can crochet!)  I explained that its the difference between being a Canucks fan and a Habs fan.  That shut him up!

Blessings for the day gang

Mild Days, Hallalujah

That being said, we have a rain warning for tonight. Go figure.  Sock knitting soothes the soul.  I have chosen my next set of socks.  When I told GG (Garden Girl) she just laughed and called me a "sock harlot". Now is that any way to speak to your mother?  : ) 

Tough nights sleep, and many revelations this morning.  Gee, do they go hand in hand, perhaps.  Had a brief nap today, feel refreshed and ready for  Boy's ball game tonight. 

So much to learn, and God is revealing so much, and using many people around me. We are so blessed and I love the Grace that surrounds me. 

Post Mother's Day

What  wonderful weekend, the whole weekend was Mother's Day.  From the nursery trip to get plants on Friday afternoon, when it was quiet (because of the rain) and there was a huge selection.  To tea, a Scrabble marathon, and sock knitting.  Then sock wearing, which was very satisfying. To making a Mother's Day meal together, and having my Mother-In-Law (yes, capitalized) for dinner and The Brother-In-Law (BIL). 

I started new socks, with Slate Jacquard from Kroy.  The yarn doesn't have the same sheepy scent of the other sock yarn, however, I'll try not to hold it against it.  I am learning a new pattern, which even I can knit and remember in my head (whoa) Jaywalkers.  For veteran knitters you are all smiling.  Yup, pretty fool proof, remember people I can be foolish!

My only complaint, is the spine of the Yarn Harlot is too stiff to hold open while I knit.  First world challenges. I'll be quiet now.

Must go, kids are off to school, and I have to go to work.  Just in case we don't all realize this yet, sock knitting is highly addictive. Who knew.  My clever daughter Garden Girl, GG knew and has shared the love.

Must go, children await.

What not to read while going to sleep!

I have learned my lesson, or not.  What not to read while going to sleep.  Yarn Harlot by Stephanie Pearl McFee.  I wanted to get out my socks and start knitting.  The mind starts to wander, and I am now where near as obsessed about knitting as Stephanie, however, I can appreciate the sentiment. 

Had to score keep at W's game last night, so I didn't get to work on my socks. Sigh.  That's okay.  Maybe later today after work. 

Rain again, I would love to see the sun that is shining so brightly above those clouds. It is heartening to know the sun and blue sky is there somewhere.  Its hard to teach everyday when the weather is bad, it gets people down.
Latin music for class today, that always brightens the day.

Daily Quote . . . . oh, there maybe be more than one somedays.

“To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to.” -- Kahlil Gibran

From my gal Sal

Rain, again?

I love living in a temperate rain forest, really I do. However  . . . enough already.  Just when we get a taste for blue sky and warmth, it turns around and rains again the next day.  I keep focusing on the lush green, and beautiful flowers, and trees, and forests, and mountain streams and rivers.  Okay, I'm good now.  Focus with gratitude and it helps chase the rainy blues away. 

My eldest "K" just called from Toronto as she was walking off the train. I think she may have forgotten the three hour difference?  Anyways, I would rather be awake and know she is fine.

My grown nephews, niece and sister have become business partners in a raw food restaurant. Its so exciting, and I am so happy for them.  It helps keep me on my toes, and real about my own eating, why I chose to eat nutrition. I would just like to get a better handle on the crap I still sometimes eat. Because it does not provide nutrition, it depletes nutrition, so why would I do that to myself?

Maybe this blog is about self discovery?  I realized last night, that blogs are much like living breathing diaries. I am not sure what to blog or how to blog, or if there are rules, restraints and etiquette, however, I am choosing to see what happens here.

Blogging is just that easy, who knew?

A dear friend and co-worker suggested I start a blog.  I don't even know if I am even using the correct verbiage, so . . .  this should be interesting.  My children fall down laughing when I try to use the correct "lingo" about computers, and Twitter (which I mistakenly called Flitter once, putting Twitter and Flicker together)  they laughed about that for months.  Anyways, about me.  BTW (see I can learn BTW, not bad I say), my eldest child (who just completed third year university)  is completely upset about my use of comma's and considerately book marked for me "Rules for Comma Usage".  What would I do without her?  My second child (who graduates high school this year) waits happily for my next nerd comment about computers, or how to use them.  However, is happy to help me out, hence the fact I got this far on the blog site.  Our youngest child is happy to leave me alone, not to sneer at me, simply accept meals, and rides and know which side his bread is buttered on.
My husband with a long suffering sigh (sometimes) repairs my lap top, helps guide me along, and last week reduced me to tears when I reinstalled something, by accident.  Yeesshh. 

I love to knit, and garden, I love to cook good food.  I love to eat raw, and vegan, with occasional lapses in vegetarianism, and on rarer occasions meat.  I strive to be wheat and gluten free, and sugar free, but, damn, that is hard. 

I love my family with all my heart and I am thrilled to be a mother.  I love my husband, and we just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.

I love to ride my bike with my husband in the mountains, and ride along with the rivers.  I love to watch my son play ball, and he makes me laugh.  I love to watch my daughters knit the most amazing things, cook the most amazing things, and learn and grow and become these amazing women.  Oh, and they make me laugh too!  I love to watch my husband who can be the biggest crank in the world, and completely short tempered (see tears above) coach our son's team and be so patience and kind, teach so well. 

I love my sisters and their children and spouses, and grand children, and the whole damn bunch of them.

I completely love my job and the people I work with and the people I get to teach.  Oh yeah, did I mention I am a fitness instructor?  I really really love my job.  Its a hard job some days.  Not because of the physical aspects so much.  But, learning to teach groups of people, to know how to approach them, and be a facilitator.  Human beings are complex!

Well, I think that is enough for now.  Its been great to write here, and see that I have much gratitude, and I am truly blessed.