Messages Come in all Shapes and Sizes

As I was walking through James Bay in Victoria last night, looking at all the beautiful, funky old Victorian homes we were talking about receiving messages from everywhere.  As we walked on there was a car with a business logo - (something about, I can't remember it exactly) www.tellyourstory.ca.  Ha! 

I guess blogging is telling my story.  Too funny.

I realized yesterday as I was walking the Harbor in the afternoon that I was back in the place I was born on my 50th birthday. I thought it was cool at the time because I was in Vic. a place I really love, to look at the gardens and ocean etc. And then I realized it was 50 years and I was back to the beginning.  50 years.  What! How did that happen?

Off to the tidal pools this morning and a drive along Dallas Road and a visit to the Chinese Cemetary.

I'm 50 Today!

This day looks quite different from I thought it might look like. And you know I am open and completely accepting of all that it is today.

I AM BLESSED. 

On a ferry with The Boy's team mate going to Victoria to watch the boys play in the Provincials for Little League. What better present could a girl ask for?!  I love the parents on the team and get to be with Eldest for a few hours.

I have just opened presents.  I received from Husband and The Boy an E-Reader and from Clever Girl a beautiful knit case for it (in green of course) and tickets for the Emily Carr exhibition.  CANNOT WAIT!
And some beautiful hand made soap from my mother in law.  Cards from friends.

My sisters took me for an amazing dinner and gifted me with so many beautiful gifts, hand made and books, tea and self care items.  All so thought filled for me.  A beautiful poster framed from France/Vogue from July 1961.  Gabrielle and I are going to see if we can re-produce it with me in it now!

I am 50 today. I am so excited. I am so happy, and I am so so so blessed. 

The sun is shining, the day is extending out before me with possibilities.  I love days with possibilities.  What might happen what experiences waiting for me.  What What What.  I love living in a place of hope and wonderment. 

I am blessed with family and friends, I am blessed to live in this amazing community.  I am blessed to work and play with amazing people.  I am blessed. 

I am blessed that I am a child of God.

Gotta go get ready. Have a great day everyone!

Love Col

My back again

Why is it when I do something good for my body I get hurt?  Can someone please explain this to me? Why?

I had a great work out going and then tweaked my back and my discs are all cranky again. And cranky wouldn't even be close to what would cover this discomfort.  NOT FAIR.  I am whinging just so we are all clear.

And I am trying not to panic as we have a ton of stuff coming up in our lives and I am so frightened about my back. 

So . . .  please help me by praying that I will stay in each day and that my back will heal quickly. Thankfully the physio was able to see me yesterday!  I have work and I am not sure how I am going to manage as I am already off with my knee for my other classes.  WHAT IS GOING ON?! 

God please reveal to me what I am to do. Your will please.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed” (Rom. 12:2),

4 hours of sleep. I guess if I don't spend the time in meditation during waking hours, my body and spirit will make the time up during sleep. Or lack there of.

Midnight till 4 a.m. apparently last night.  I laid and prayed and tried to ease the pain through my ribs and back and hip and hamstring and knee.  Somehow this is all connected.  This time of spirit and movement being still and  "knowing I am God".  Its all of it, its being still, its movement, its in prayer and meditation.

My body requires movement and my spirit requires movement and meditation.  Feldenkrais.

I realized in the wee hours that I figured out what the Holy Spirit was in Harry Potter (see last post).

Duh, I had been writing about it.   A patronius.  The patronius is the Holy Spirit. Within us and without us.

Guiding and leading and protecting.

As I was laying and resting and just letting my mind try to be still I was "seeing" only a large dark wall in front of me.  When I finally thought of a patronius I began to imagine what my happiest times were. Or something that filled me.  It was my children.  My whole body cavity filled with a rush of energy, and as I added to it instead of just staying where I was the sensation depleted.

Lesson stop trying to stuff more in.  Hmmm   . . . . food, things to do in a day, more, more, more.

Keep it simple sweetheart (KISS)

I went back to read my title.  Boy do I get off track!

Daily Bread had that as part of the passage today.  I am striving to be svelte and fit (fit is good!) because of my worldly views, of my judgment of myself and vanity.  Conforming to this world, as opposed to be transformed into God's image or the glory for God.  Which in fact would be the very best thing for me.

God as I travel through this life may I in all ways be for your Glory.  May my eyes always be set upon you and not myself.

Dementors, Patronuis - Symbolism in Harry Potter

We are currently launching a Harry Potter movie marathon.  We are watching each movie in preparation for the last and final installment.  BOO HOO!  and wahoo at the same time.

Anyways, last night watching and imagining Harry as the sacrifice (The Christ figure as it were) and I realized that Dumbledor is placed as the God figure - Harry says in the Chamber of Secrets - Dumbledor is the greatest wizard, they all feel safe with him and know him to be the very best he is God.

So who is the Holy Spirit?   (In quite reflection during the night I realized it was the patronius. The patronius is the spirit that guides and leads the characters.)

I am seeing symbolism in the movies and books I have never noticed before.

Also, watching Harry learn to think happy thoughts, and not just happy thoughts but the very best of thoughts to create a patronius to keep himself safe from the dementors.

Why can we not create our own patronius our own happy thoughts to keep the dementors from our own lives. Our own dark thoughts, that take us down dark trails, or the worldly experiences we are exposed to each day.  Why not create our own patronius our own special shield to protect ourselves and create energy around ourselves.

We know the laws of attraction, we know our own thoughts (ego as it were) can take us to some dark places, we know our desire to be with God/Universe so why not create our own patronius through prayer and meditation.

When I am in dark/or sad places think happy thoughts.  Mary Poppins, Pollyanna, Anne of Green Gables, any thing written by Louise May Alcott, all these stories have the same theme.

The concept of the triumph of good over evil of powerful happy thoughts is all around us. Perhaps we just need a reminder.

Insulin Resistance - http://rheumatic.org/insulin.htm

I have been reading about insulin resistance and I am wondering deeply about how it affects me and those around me.  Eating too many refined carbs or carbs period and the craving etc. that follows.

I have read and re-read about diabetes, insulin, pancreas, etc. and I have been trying to figure all that out.  More to the point understand how the body works.  I get that the cells get overloaded and don't send the message to the brain etc.

But, the above link really really made sense to me.  I guess I was ready for the message perhaps!

I have spent a life time of craving food, desiring food, obsessing about food and all that it brings.  Really what it is is not the food.  Its anything but.  But, what I did figure out is this  . . . I remember being a kid and having the craving I have now and not understanding it.

I WAS EATING TOO MANY REFINED CARBS FOR MY BODY (it was the 70's people)

My physio said to me recently that the injuries in my body were not my fault. I asked her what I was doing wrong.  Nothing she said, it was my body.  Hmmm . . that got me thinking.  I am looking at myself being so weak willed and an awful human being with no control  . . . when in fact (perhaps) its my body.

I have been eating too many carbs for too long and my body just can't manage.  My heart is racing and I am getting a head ache even as I write this.

Okay  . . . breathe, what next.  Truly my chest is getting flip flops and a heat rush. Heh  . . . hot flash.
Heart palpitations, flush  . . . gotta love this body.

So back to looking at pure food, and I keep figuring that I am eating so well. And I am just needing to add more veggies low GI veggies. 

I have been cruising the raw food sites and the spirit behind raw food.

I LOVE IT AND IT SPEAKS TO ME ON SO MANY LEVELS.

Back to basics.

Retreating into Defeat (From the Daily Bread)

Often I read something and it is the most perfect something I was meant to read.  The message I was meant to have.

Retreating into defeat. 

Whoa.  I have never ever heard that put that way before. Profound.  How often do I retreat into defeat?  I look like I continue to push forward and I do, but, I can also retreat into defeat. In little small ways mostly. 

Mostly around thoughts, small little thoughts.  And we know where that goes. My thoughts become my feelings, my feeling my behaviors and behaviors and actions.  Yikes.  Not so small after all.

How to battle defeat - prayer.

Another beautiful day in Paradise!

Detours and Desperation and Learning To Walk Before I Run

…we wait until we are at our wit’s end before we seek assistance…. considering reaching out as personal failure or inadequacy re: our own self-esteem…. Foolishly we wait until our way just is not working anymore. That is why AA calls this a gift: the gift of desperation. …For many, the depths into which we have succumbed are now found not to be so deep at all and in fact, ladders are readily available if we use them in recovery.    http://carldagostino.wordpress.com/  


http://friendtoyourself.com/2011/07/06/the-gift-of-desperation/
Sana-Johnson Quijada MD - she is a psychiatrist and Christian

The above quote is from a blog response put out by Sana her link is above as well.

I have not looked deeply into carl dagostino's however I think this is where I am supposed to be (detours)
and  I signed up for Sana-Johnson Quijada's emails everyday.  THEY ARE REALLY COOL!

After my last blog and a few more interesting detours and people who have come into my life I was reminded in fact of detours.

Many years ago I had read that God gave us detours to help us keep on track when we are getting off track.
So  . . . what does that mean?  It means when I think (MY WILL) that the direction I am going in no matter how healthy and apparently good for me I think it is  if they detours are on the road, its not the way.

I cannot count the number of times I have begun to exercise and eat right (for example) thinking this is all good to have everything possible come into my path to stop me.  Kids who need emergency dr.'s appts., illness or injury on my part whatever.  Its so frustrating. We see a straight stretch of road and we are happily driving along listening to the tunes feeling pretty good when whamo there is a road block.  And we can see our destination right there on the other side of the detour and we have to go around in another direction AGAINST OUR WILL!  Can you deeply remember the sense of frustration inside you?  Well I can and I don't like it.  Most times I can just be calm about a detour however, there are times when I just want what I want. To get there. Even though the car I am driving is great and the tunes are wonderful I just want to get there.

Hmmmm . . . .  enjoy the journey not the destination.  Stay present!   Be in the moment! Submit my will because its going to happen that way anyway.

Well that sense of frustration is ever present as I go along in my life trying to be a good person doing the right things and caring for my family (who it feels like are being dragged along by me every step of the way) hey, maybe I am their road block and that is my job to be a road block to their own impulses.  To teach them to grow and become capable adults who can reap the full rewards that life has to offer. To teach them to take care of themselves and their environments around them.  To be responsible.

I AM A ROAD BLOCK AS A PARENT - TO HELP THEM BECOME HEALTHY ADULTS WITH GOOD PRINCIPALS AND VALUES (their own) RESPONSE ABLE (responsible) TO THEIR WORLDS AROUND THEM. TO STAND ON THEIR OWN TWO FEET.

Father God is my road block guiding me along to where He knows I need to be to be able to be response able, to have in my life what is the very best for me.  His will for me is what is best for me. And I know that however I become willful or just plain ignore him to be honest.  I live in my own little world not in enough prayer really listening.

I listen well, I see the messages along the way he is sending me. The road signs, the detour signs, so if in this present place I see them and adhere to them, what would it be like if I was in more prayer than I am now? Honestly I don't spend enough time in prayer and mediation.  I am too busy in the car in idle wanting to go. Without listening to the Navigator telling me which way to go.  Like a GPS in the car talking to me telling me which way and how far it is.    God help me to listen for your voice, to follow your path adhere to the signs.

Because be honest - God's signs are everywhere if we choose to look for them!

There is a pure purpose and if I realize this and stay on my own path and learn to walk on my path before I  want to run on someone else' s path  I will be in the right place doing the right thing and be in peace connected to God.

Not idling by the side of the road wasting gas.

Love and Light

God's will . . my will . . . and accepting what is what

I have come to some conclusions.  I was arriving at these conclusions when I received some affirmations from email messages sent. 

I have come to understand that God has a place for me and things for me to learn.  And because of this He is in control and what is happening in my life and its up to me to understand.  When I am living with my body and what seems to be at odds with what I believe to be healthy and right I realized today that perhaps this is God's plan. I am here in this body which feels like I am in a fat suit because I have some things to learn.  What  . .  I don't know.  But if I keep doing the right things at some point when my body is supposed to switch it will.

What I have also learned is - I am exactly where I am supposed to be. The insanity is there because its there.

The state that you are in at any given time is completely up to you.  We create our state of mind, relative to the state of our conscious awareness.  The more conscious you become of how the vehicle of your body and mind work the more control you will have over your senses and your life.  
 
by Steven Ss. Sadleir, "The Awakening"

I was also taught - 

It is what it is

You are what you it

There are no mistakes.

Keep my head in a positive place, integrity with what I eat, think, and breath.

Faith is not about everything turning out OK;

Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out. - Linda Jarvis

All these people I am blessed to be surrounded by living and learning.

 

Sand and Socks

What have we been doing?  Hmmm  . . . going to the beach, sharing a great order of fish and chips, and reading a terrific summer read. The day had cooled and we were pretty much by ourselves at Ambleside.  It was lovely.

I love when the water and the sky and the horizon all blend into one silvery grey blue blur.

The Socks (yes with a capital S) they are below and coming along just fine. I tried them on my neighbor who has size 6 feet. Who the hell has size 6 feet?  Not me, I'm size 10's and so is Gabrielle. Even Walts feet are way too bit. So down to the neighbors to get her to try them on.  The fit perfectly.

The second sock should come along a bit easier and faster as I have done one.  I am so proud of these socks.  And guess what, not so tired and not so sad.  Knitting the ultimate counseling session!

Time to have a stretch and move my body around.
Watching a re-run for the hundredth time of Independence Day.

Clever Girl is knitting her cousins (Grooms Sock) to go with the Bride's Sock and she is doing such an amazing job.  She will make some for herself.

Eldest is all moved into her new place. She is settling through a move, separating from her boyfriend of 2 plus years all in 2 weeks time. And she is anemic. Please God protect her.  She is so happy in her new place and I know she will settle, just so much has happened to her in the last oh  . . .  six years! 




Eldests new home.  The converted coal shed of a Victorian house at the end of the garden. She can climb the stairs at the side and sit on the roof. It's lovingly referred to as the living room.  I am so happy for her in her new home. However, it promises to be chilly so I am watching out for a small portable heater for her (with a timer!) and an electric blanket to help keep her warm and cozy in the winter.  I wish I could have her closer to me. And I know she is where she should be and truly I wouldn't have it any other way.
My beloved children, I am so blessed.