I Had A Thought . . .

As I was falling asleep last night I had a thought, actually it began to really formulate last night while I was watching Dancing with the Stars.  Eldest was saying she was too tired to watch Festival Express  (she had just been home off a 4 day train trip herself), and was just enjoying the light fluff we were watching. She said sometimes she just enjoyed the fluff because it was just purely entertaining. I agreed and said I liked Dancing with the Stars, because I loved to see the dancing portion.  To see people who didn't know how to dance become dancers over weeks in front of our eyes.  I realized that we are voyeurs in the truest sense of the word. Looking it at other peoples lives and watching what goes on.  Seeing their human frailties and triumphs. I think we all know that we do that but, like all things these days, I am learning a ton about myself.

I watch reality t.v.  not always proud of it, however, I do. I watch Dancing with the Stars, and I watch Biggest Loser. What I realized on a very deep level last night, is these shows speak so deeply to me, (when you get past all the glitz and fluff and drama surrounding them) because I want to dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love to dance, I do belly dance, but, I am not very good at it really, and I do love it, but the fun of it has gone for me right now. My body is stuck in this place of pain and injury, and I want to get back to the movement and joy of the music and my body. 

Also, I want to lose weight. To watch the journey of those people, when I am feeling so stuck and not able to move with this for whatever reason, gives me hope. These shows these networks are selling hope to use.
And I am deciding that hope is what I really am looking for. I want hope. I want to know that with persistence I can lose weight be healthy and embrace my life each day with looking in the mirror and knowing I did the best I could that day.  Lots of days I do do that, but, there is that little bugger brain of mine chatting away telling the lies.

I am off to look up dance classes of some sort and to get me a ball of some sort.  Time to play!