I have just had the most amazing morning. Teary in parts and full of absolute profound gratitude. I was in a situation this morning where I had information and opportunity to impart to others. This situation is weekly and others are just not into hearing what I have to say. Its my job, and I find it hard. Because I am doing what I deeply feel is the right thing. I felt utterly rejected today, shunned actually, and it made me feel (I allowed it to make me feel) like I did when I was shunned by my parents. I felt so rejected. In that moment I realized (yet again) that my ego was the challenge. That it wasn't about me at all (or it could be however, speak up people) and I just had to let it go. I went on to continuing the class, wishing them well for the day. Had a great class, those that stayed were thrilled. Taught the next class, and came to the end of the class and finished it. While teaching the final part (stretching) my sense of gratitude was so profound, I started to cry, and chose to simply let it happen. Connected to my body, to those around me, the beautiful music, and what was in my heart. How blessed. I finished the class, with a sense of peace I have not felt in a very long time, and so full of gratitude.
I was sharing this with one co-worker and he was so open to it. Lovely. And another co-worker she too was open, and she does some energy work (I think that's it) anyways, I was expressing my sense of gratitude and how wonderful it was and how much I loved my job. She asked a brilliant question, "what brought it all together!" Wow. I had to think of that for a moment, and what I came up with was "I was open to receive, and so was the class, we each were open to receive right where each person was." She thought that was awesome. I had said I was healing some stuff (pretty big stuff) and I had been triggered today earlier, and what I had learned about myself. Her comment back "you had a gift to give and they weren't ready to receive it, and then the others were!"
Now that is profound people. They simply weren't ready to receive it. I have felt so rejected all my life with all the gifts of myself I have given and I actually have been rejected by those people around me who should have accepted those gifts (my significant) care givers (read parents). My ego, its not about me, its about them. I know this, but, have been gifted in this gentle way by another, because I reached out and asked and shared.
I thanked her for the awesome question, and she replied, "thank you for taking the time to answer" and off we went. So simple and yet . . so simple!
I have been a receiver for others crap (not everyone), not a receiver for the blessings of others. I have been open to receive the yuck, and not the healing, loving, caring, wonders. And when I have tried to tap into that other part, I have tried too hard. Grace people! It just felt so simply effortless today. I have worked my body hard, and the Spirit is open to receive.
I have been holding my weight, bearing the load, because I was unwilling to really truly deeply look at what remains, and just simply be open to it. I know all this, however, just receiving it in a different light. A SUN FILLED LIGHT TODAY! After a long winter.
This may sound jumbled, but to me its crystal clear! Like the patches of blue sky. I love my job, I love my life, I love my body, I love my mind, I love God, I love my family, I love my friends, I Love.
I sit and drink my recovery drink, based with hemp protein, (green), I look at my garden and I am utterly amazed at my growth, the garden and I, growing together.
Greens, Gardens and Growth
Love and Blessings
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