I love when the world around me sends all the affirmations I need to support me on my journey each day. Its like the arrows and signs are there just where I need them to know I am on the correct path, road, trail, by way (because sometimes I am pulled over taking a break) or whatever it may be that day.
I was reading an on line article about a Vancouver punk band whose new disc is drawing fire from the Canadian Hertiage Minister because "The album drew the minister's ire through its Bible-themed artwork and its depiction of Jesus Christ as a piece of excrement in its booklet." Among other things. Okay, as a Christian not thrilled, however, what I find odder is the fact than anyone would form an entire album on excrement in the first place. If you want to find something scintillating, at least be original, and grow up, isn't that 6 year old boy talk in the bathroom at school? Really. Punk used to be about more that crap. Honestly.
Anyways I digressed, I was intrigued by DOA'S member Joe Keithley's new book title, Talk - Action = 0 An Illustrated History of DOA. Okay, not likely to read the book, however, I am certain its interesting, and for the record I do like to listen to punk upon occasion, its not my first choice of music.
I loved the beginning of the title, Talk - Action = 0.
I have come to realize that "IF" I really wanted to lose weight and be health, I would do it. I would do all the things necessary to make that happen. Now that is a broad statement, however, I am really having a close look at that. I think we go through life saying the things that we want, or think we want, and then sit back and wait for it to appear in front of us, and really, we don't want to work for it. Once again, I know that I have realized this all before, however, "seeing" it again on a whole new level.
On Thurs. having had that conversation with my work mate and realizing, that people (me too) are not ready to receive the gifts from God we were meant to have, or the gifts are not being sent, because we are not ready to receive them. The Universe can not possibly send the gifts if the recipient is not ready to receive them.
When I realized this I saw my whole world in a different light. I was able to look at myself and the people I know who are struggling with this and really see that we are not ready to receive. So many books are written about being Open, ready, stepping into, reaching for. But I am wondering today about how we can be ready to receive. How DO we be open and willing to receive?
Grateful heart? I think of birthdays, we are feeling pretty good about ourselves, its our birthday, a sense of excitement perhaps. I love my birthday. It's my day, and its about me. I feel very special that day. Even if no one else knew, I would know. I really do love presents. Especially ones given with an open heart. I would rather not actually receive a gift of obligation. I am not an obligation. Digressing here!
If we were in a state of excitement and gratitude for what we were about to receive would that make it easier for God to send the blessings of each day. Gee, probably. If I really really wanted what I said I wanted would God not have sent me that, would the Universe not have known that and helped me create that? It goes back to some things I have read lately. God, wonders why we keep praying the same thing over and over, He heard us the first time. The Universe gets confused when we send the same message out over and over, "its already heard" us. And if I continue to harp on in this way, and don't really honestly do something about it, and sit waiting and wondering and complaining, Talk - Action = 0, how can I possibly expect a different result.
I know what I need to do to make my body change and be healthier. However, it is in a place where it really wants to stay right where it is. (DO I REALLY WANT TO CHANGE OR DO I WANT TO STAY EXACTLY WHERE I AM, OH, THIS IS GOOD, my body is a reflection of my inner dialogue, conscious or unconscionably, I think that my body represents what I think about myself.) So, what do I need to do to help create an environment that helps it to change and be healthier, leaner, and I would feel stronger and my back and hips wouldn't hurt. I am currently reading Women Food and God. Think I am on to something here!
There are a ton of questions here. However, Action is very important, and its the correct action. A grateful heart for this amazing body, that keeps on trucking even when its injured. A joy filled attitude, with fun and light. I think that I want to take dance classes and learn to dance better so I can flow. I want a basketball. I love balls and love to play with them. I think that I want to start moving my body in the way it wants to move, and its so important for me to really really listen to what my body is asking for.
I am way way better at eating, now to move in a way that my body wants. I NEED TO PLAY MORE! To have FUN. I realize as I write (and trust me the words just pour out, so if it doesn't always make sense, that's why) that I want to just play like when I was a kid or really I didn't play when I was a kid, and that's another whole story. A ball will do. I love it when I am at work and I get the balls out to strength train with, and to just bounce, and so do the participants. More balls people!
What I have learned this week:
Be excited and willing each day to receive the gifts of each day.
Talk - Action = 0
Play, play, play. Be light of heart, child like in the gifts of each day.
Think enough of myself, to know that God would love to send me gifts each day. I am Worthy of Gifts.
Self worth.
Its been a great week. Love and light, some sunshine (which we cling to here on the Wet Coast), family and friends. Scrabble, knitting and tea. Learning and loving. Being.
I went back and reread before being ready to post and a couple of things have jumped out - on my birthday, I feel pretty good about myself, self worth. Thinking enough of myself to put myself somewhere on the list.
I was brought up to believe that I was incredibly selfish, I was told I would never be a mother, because I was too selfish. So I never ever put myself out there, because I believed I was already to selfish. Well, I am coming to understand that caring for myself, eating what foods I want to eat, playing, listening to whatever music I want to listen to, read what I want to read, believe in what I want to believe in, wear what I want to wear, to watch what movies I want to watch, have the people I choose to have around me, all of those things are not selfish. THEY ARE HEALTHY, THEY ARE THE VERY FIBERS THAT CREATE WHO I AM.
and damn it, I am going to be who I want, and not have to justify myself, just even using that word, why would we even think that we need to justify our very existence. However, I justify myself all day long, in fact it has become an incredibly bad habit. This self justification. Why do I do that? Hmmmm. I am justifying my very existence each day and each moment of each day. Making sure I can vouch for all my actions. That is not healthy.
Well the family is stirring all around me, and its suddenly hard to focus, also, I think the self justification is getting a little close to home, so I am going to let it sit for a bit.
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